Carter Matthew Tomlinson was born March 29th, 2015 after 6 1/2 hours of labor at 12:34pm weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches long.

This will probably be the longest post I'll ever write, because I can't forget or want to forget a single detail of this day, because this is one of those days that changes everything forever!

The story starts on St. Patricks Day, I was at my weekly OB appointment (after 36 weeks along you visit your doctor every week to track your progress more closely). This was my 37th week and I was feeling very pregnant! My doctor comes in and and we make excited chit-chat, she then gets to the exam. She warned me before the exam started that with your first baby things tend to move slowly, generally. She checks my progress then her eyes get big, "wow, Cassie, you're 3.5 cemeteries dilated and 50% effaced!" Oh my gosh! Then I make a HUGE mistake... I ask her, "how long do you think it will be until he's here?" To which she replied, "I'd be surprised if you made it to your next appointment. Actually, I'd be surprised if you made it passed this weekend." UGH worse thing to tell first time parents because our little guy wasn't about to be rushed out of my tummy...  in fact he was planning on being a few days late. Chris and I fired up our phones as soon as we left the doctor's office and sent the alarm, "All hands on deck, it's going to be any day now!"

38 weeks came around, no change and no baby.

39 weeks came around, no change and no baby.

At my 40 week appt my doctor scheduled me an induction date, March 31, if I hadn't had him by the 30th I would arrive at 7am on the 31st and my doctor would induce. While it was nice knowing that at the latest he would arrive in a week, being induced didn't really fit into my fantasy of contractions starting and me going to Chris and saying, "This is it!" and have him driving me to the hospital, holding hands and breathing through the contractions. But I also knew this wasn't about me. My whole pregnancy has been about one thing, making sure this baby was healthy. And if being induced was what the baby needed, then that's what I was doing to do.

For weeks I walked 5 miles each day, ate more pineapple, dates, spicy food, and eggplant parmesan than I thought possible. (all safe methods online moms SWEAR by to induce labor). My sister and I even learned the dance moves to Michael Jackson's Thriller music video because she heard that the dance moves have sent women into labor. No luck. Something really nice though, a co-worker of Chris at the church said that his wife was a massage therapist and has sent her patients into labor with her famous "pre-natal massage" and she gave me one for free. While very relaxing nothing was getting the baby moving...



March 23rd my official due date! Came and passed with no baby



On March 26th I had a false alarm after feeling regular, but not super intense contractions, I was told to come into the hospital to be checked since I was passed my due date. I was checked and admitted! But unfortunately labor slowed and I was still at 3.5 cm dilated. They sent me home about 2 hours later. We were all bummed.

Then came the morning of March 29th. The night before Chris fell asleep while watching a movie on the couch, I didn't wake him up because being 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, sleeping wasn't something that came easy to me, and having the entire bed to move and get comfortable was a concept I wanted to try! I fell asleep feeling completely fine and making plans to go grocery shopping the next day. Then around 5:00am I awake to a strong pain in my tummy, I sit up in bed and wait for it to pass. I had been getting contractions on and off for weeks and I didn't think much of it. After it passed I laid back down and tried to fall back asleep. Then about 4 or 5 minutes later another came, and this one was even stronger. I stayed seated for 4 or 5 very painful contractions before I started to believe this might be it! I got up and walked into the living room to wake Chris, at this point it was a little after 5 am. I gently brushed his hair back to wake him up, he looked around and seemed confused since he didn't remember falling asleep in our living room! Then I told him, "I think this is it! Can you sit up with me and keep track of my contractions, they're REALLY painful and I can't keep count." He jumped up and followed me to our bedroom. I stood against the wall with my arms up and my head resting on them. The pain of labor is intense, and definitely the most pain I'd ever been in. He kept track of the contractions and tried to gauge how intense they were by trying to get me to talk during them. I couldn't. Holding my breathe was the only way I could mentally push through them. Chris grabbed the phone and called the hospital and talked to the doctor on call (since it was a sunday I knew my doctor wouldn't be there). She instructed him to bring me in. We had the car packed for weeks and only needed to grab a few last minute things to leave. Within minutes Chris had those things packed and had the car pulled up to our walk way. At this point it was 5:45am and still dark, as Chris helps me into the car and was off to the races! Again, it was 5:45am on a Sunday... the roads were clear and wide open! But that didn't stop Chris from checking the traffic report and opening an app on his phone he downloaded for this moment that told him the fastest route to the hospital. I love that man.

We get to the hospital and Chris walks me to the ER. The hospital was closed and to be admitted you need to check in there. We walk in and Chris tells the ER nurse that we called ahead to the maternity wing and their expecting us. The very nice nurse called up and confirmed, then got me seated in a wheel chair. Within minutes she was pushing me through the hospital while talking me through the pain and giving us all kinds of encouragement. She pushed me up to the maternity wing desk where all the nurses were waiting, I then find out that I'm the only woman in the wing in labor, every other woman has had her baby and now in recovery. So I was getting the star treatment! The head nurse decides she wants to take me and she wheels me back to the admitting waiting area, where you get undressed and given a gown and checked to see if the doctor on call wants to admit you formally. Since I had been admitted a few days before but sent home, I asked Chris to wait to tell our family until I was officially admitted, given an IV, and seen the doctor. the nurse walks me to the changing area when I get another contraction, it's intense and the head nurse grabs my arm and talks me through it while timing how long it lasts. When it passes she decides that the doctor's orders can wait, and she's admitting me! I quickly get dressed in the gown and she asks me if I was planning on getting an epidural? To which I reply, "Oh god yes." She laughed and said "good girl, let me page the anesthesiologist." At this point it was 6:15am and I'm being walked to my labor and delivery room. When they took me back to be checked Chris ran down to the car and grabbed all our things, while I was in denial of whether or not I'd be admitted he was feeling very confident that today was the day. Before I had a chance to sit down on the bed, the anesthesiologist walks in. The head nurse called him in ASAP, he apparently was the best one they had in the whole hospital and she didn't want to wait because shift change is at 7am and he would be off for the day.

Bless that amazing woman.

I tried to stall a little bit because Chris wasn't back yet from the car, and I really didn't want to do this part alone. The anesthesiologist talks me through the procedure when Chris comes walking in with all our bags and cord blood banking kit (more on our choice of cord blood banking later). Chris holds me up as I sit forward preparing to feel every bit of the needle enter my back and into my spinal cord... but I feel NOTHING! I suddenly feel a warm feeling from my middle back all the way down to my toes. I'm not completely numb but I can't feel my contractions anymore. The anesthesiologist lays me down and explains what's happening and how to increase the dosage if the pain gets too intense again, but lucky for me I had the best anesthesiologist in the hospital and at 6:20am I experienced my last contraction I'd ever feel that day!



Chris then sounds the alarm, and lets our family know that this was it! At around 7:15am my mom and sister Katie arrive. They are my labor and delivery team! I had asked Katie to document with photos and asked my mom to be my assistant coach, just in case Chris, the head coach, wasn't able to handle what was happening. Did I mention that Chris passes out at the sight of blood and needles?

Slowly the rest of our family arrives, my dad and Chris's parents all get there by 8am. At around 10:30am the doctor on call comes in and checks on me. She introduces herself and I immediately love her. She works closely with my OB and already has all my information regarding birth plan and instructions. She always made direct eye contact with me, would always have her hand on my hand or shoulder to make sure I was feeling safe, and always took the time to explain what was happening before it happened.

At 10:40am the doctor decided it was time to break my water. I knew that breaking the water is a painless procedure so I wasn't nervous. She broke it and also informs me that I'm 5 cm dilated and fully effaced! I start to get nervous! This is progressing quickly! But little did I know how quickly everything would move from this point... because I was less than 2 hours away from meeting my son.

After my water is broken I tried to get some rest, my visitors came in to check on me and wish me well. Everyone makes excited conversation and take photos to document the day!

Around 11:30am, an hour after my water was broken, I tell my nurse that I needed to switch sides I was laying on, because my legs were feeling a little too numb. With an epidural you need to switch sides every 60-90 minutes to keep the medicines following properly. She agrees and helps me move to my right side. As soon as I settle in a comfortable position on my right side we hear an alarm go off. The baby's heart rate had dropped suddenly and quickly. My nurse turns me back on to my left side and place an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. Seconds later a team of nurses and doctors rush in, and they quickly realize that my contractions had gone from 4-5 minutes apart and lasting for 60-90 seconds to 60 seconds apart and lasting 4-5 minutes! They give me a shot to slow my contractions down and decide to place a heart rate monitor directly on the baby's head. My doctor explains whats happening as she's placing the monitor on the baby's head when she pauses. Her face turns to one of concern and looks at the nurse, "How long ago did we break her water?" The nurse answered almost exactly an hour ago. The doctor looked back at me and smiled, "Well Cassie I'm excited to tell you your at 10cm and the baby is dropping!" Wha What?? She then explains that she's going to let him drop a bit more on his own, and to rest up because in about 30 minutes we're going to start pushing! The baby's heart rate picked back up as soon as I laid back on my left side, they kept a close eye on him and thankfully it didn't drop again.



I'm filled with very mixed emotions, I'm reeling from the baby's heart rate dropping, worried that something was very wrong, to be told he's coming and fast! My mother-in-law and my dad came in right after the doctor and nurses left the room, very concerned about what they saw from the hallway. Chris explains what happened and that the baby is coming probably in less than an hour. They couldn't believe it! But I couldn't believe it, really either. They rush out to the waiting room to tell everyone that it's getting very close!

The next 20-30 minutes were a blur, my nurse was preparing the room for delivery. At Saddleback Women's Hospital the equipment comes down out of the ceiling, and a table is wheeled in with all the instruments the doctor might need for delivery. I don't look at any of it. This is the part that I was scared about all day... well since I found out I was pregnant. Pushing seemed impossible, painful, and intense. How could I possibly push a baby out of me? Am I the only one that couldn't wrap my mind around this concept?

The Doctor comes in and asks if I'm ready for some practice pushes? As ready as I'll ever be! She explains how to push, when to push and for how long. I grab Chris's hand, sit up and push. I push and push and push. And in two "practice" pushes I've pushed the baby into the crowning position. The doctor yells, "Stop!! I didn't realize how well you'd push!" Apparently, I'm an excellent pusher! She calls the delivery team in.

The doctor tells my mom and Chris to hold my shoulders so that I can remain in a semi sitting up position, imagine a sit-up, and I'm holding each of their other hand. Right before I'm supposed to push the alarm goes off again, the baby's heart rate has fallen again. The doctor looks at me and says, "Okay Cassie he's in some distress again, lets get him out fast." That's all I need, the nurse yells, "PUSH!" I take a deep breathe and push, I push for 15 seconds straight, and the doctor yells, "Stop! His head is out!" She stops me to suction his nose and mouth for his first breath. She looks at me again and says, "Just one more push, and we're not waiting for your next contraction, push now!" I push, and 8 seconds later I hear the doctor yell, "Open your eyes!" and there he was...


Carter Matthew Tomlinson was born at 12:34pm on Palm Sunday, after 6 1/2 hours of labor and two pushes. My perfect son entered the world, and nothing was ever the same again.



They don't place him on my chest, they took him back to the warmer at the back of the room to check his heart rate, heart, breathing, etc. because of our scare right before he was born. In a few minutes he's deemed perfectly healthily, scoring a 9 on his APGAR test! They weigh and measure him and do his footprints. They use the remaining ink on the baby's feet to print them on Chris's arm. Pretty special. Chris never left our boys side.


In this moment I feel my heart grow and beat like never before. I'm holding my son for the first time.

Son,
we're just a few short days away from meeting you but I want you to know how, without ever meeting you, we excitedly we await your arrival. I haven't met you but your constant stretches and rolls calm my heart on busy, hectic days. I haven't seen your face but your little kicks make me smile and giggle aloud as I draw my hand to my tummy to meet your movements. I haven't held you in my arms but my growing tummy reminds me that your always growing and getting stronger everyday. My constant tummy rubs threw out my days are hopefully giving you comfort and love while I make plans to tell you and show you love everyday of your life. I don't know much about you yet but I spend hours daydreaming and making plans for your life that's filled with possibilities.

I know the world may try to tell you different, but you are cherished, you are prayed for, you are so loved.

I've been asked by quite a few different wives who want to start trying to conceive, "What did you and Chris do to prepare to start trying?" From everything I read, researched, and asked doctors I've come to one conclusion: everyone is different! It's very rare to become pregnant right away, just like it's pretty rare that couples will take longer than a year to become pregnant. Everything happens in God's timing. But this is what Chris and I did to prepare to start trying:

The first trimester is over, and I'm well over a month into my second trimester! And can I say, "second trimester rules!" All of the pesky symptoms of the first few months magically faded away around week 12. And life has been amazing!! My nausea is completely gone, I'm getting my energy back, and the headaches are far and few between. Praise God!! While I picked this specific top in this photo because it kinda makes me look pregnant.... I'm totally not showing yet. Here is a much more accurate photo taken just 5 minutes before the top one:



Yes, I am Almost 4 1/2 months pregnant with no preggo belly to show for it. Friends, family, and co-workers rub my belly to feel... that days lunch in my tummy. I check my tummy's profile every morning and Chris laughs and says, "Not yet babe, but maybe soon!" Oh well, I know our son is cooking away in there and having fun! My doctor told me last week that some women take some time to show, and it's not a bad thing to show later than most. In the mean time I enjoy feeling his little kicks as he rolls around in my tummy, that's my son in there!

For most of my pregnancy I've kept things pretty private. In fact, some people even complained that Chris and I were too quiet about it! (mostly work friends and casual friends who found out this last week from our social media sites that we're expecting). But honestly, pregnancy has been difficult for me to process mentally. Emotionally, everything feels different. Physically, everything feels different. and Spiritually, I pray different. I've always been pretty consistent, so all these changes are SUPER weird for me to navigate. And in this completely foreign territory, I'm trying to find my way...

I've found a lot of patience and direction from fellow first time mommies. But I was still having a difficult time opening up to them. I was having a hard enough time trying to understand all these changes let alone trying to communicate them to another person! But something changed around my 9th week of pregnancy, when I finally "let someone in" emotionally and actually...

I was shopping at Babies-R-Us one day, looking for a pregnancy journal when I was hit with a sudden rush of nausea and made my way quickly to the restroom. I began to get sick in the stall (polite way of avoiding the word vomiting) when I hear a tapping on the door to my stall,

"Are you okay in there?"

Who is this? Is this someone I know that noticed me make a run for the restroom?

"Hm, yeah, I'll be okay. Thanks!" I continue to get sick when she taps again,

"I think you should let me in."

Uh what? I tried to clean myself up a bit and opened the stall and this full-term pregnant mommy lets herself in. She hands me paper towels, a water bottle, and some breath mints.

"How far along are you? Doesn't look like your showing yet."

"Oh, I'm about 9 weeks now and still feeling sick all the time. Honestly, I'm exhausted."

I wasn't sure why, but at this admission I felt the tears well up in my eyes. She helps me clean up and then notices the tears in my eyes. She knew. I was completely out of my element being pregnant, and I wasn't just physically exhausted, but exhausted in every sense of the word.

She took a deep breath and gave me a talk that changed the whole world of my pregnancy.

"It sucks, I'm not gonna lie, you probably won't start feeling better for another 3-4 weeks, maybe longer. But you will feel better, I promise, it gets so much better. You'll start showing and feeling little kicks from your baby and those moments make all of these bad ones worth it. It gets better. Then in a few months you'll have your little one in your arms, and all of this is so worth it. And in these moments when you think that maybe it's not worth it, remember that not all women get to experience this, and would give anything to be right here where you are now."

The tears are now rolling down my face as she continues.

"This is the best thing in the world."

I cried. I finally allowed myself to let it all go. The feelings of the unknown that has me feeling like a prisoner: the fear that I might somehow inadvertently hurt the baby that's growing inside me, the physical symptoms that seem to never let up or allow me to rest, the insecurity that maybe this happened too fast and we're not ready, the uncertainty of whether or not I'll be a good mother.

I only learned her first name, Jennifer, and by now she has had her baby and living the dream we all can't wait for. Since then I completely stopped complaining about my pregnancy symptoms and remembering in the tough moments that I am so lucky to be experiencing this miracle.